Cheese and Heartbreak Pairings
Just in time for the holidays, our staff here at TGU has gotten together a panel of experts to determine …
Tag: shitpost
Existential “Hug-Me Dready Bear” Hits Shelves this Week
Hasbro unveiled its new must-have toy of the holiday season: the Hug-Me Dready Bear. This cuddly li’l friend mumbles a number …
Local Nonagenarian Accuses Nat King Cole of Ageism
Local woman Evelyn Sue Rubenacker, 93, is suing the estate of Nathaniel Adams Cole, known by his professional name Nat …
Research suggests ‘The Circle Game’ originated with early man
Anthropologists at Ohio State University have published a controversial paper in American Anthropologist positing early man as the creator of “the …
Scientists redefine true meaning of Christmas, black hole opens in Indiana
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration today issued a statement regarding the formation of a microsingularity in the vicinity of …
Bidding Concludes for Lunar Billboard Space
The Free Market Astronomical Union presided this week over the first-ever interplanetary property auction, awarding contracts for advertisement slots on …
Dear Tabby – My Husband’s an Alcoholic
DEAR TABBY: My husband has been a prolific drinker his whole life–I knew this when we were married years ago, …
Firefighters Arrive in Time to Offer Thoughts & Prayers to People Trapped in Burning House
“The family kept telling things like ‘help!’ and ‘use that ladder you’re holding!'” says local Fire Chief. “And I yelled back ‘THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS!!’ I even tweeted it.”
Derpwatching for Beginners
Never been derpwatching before? This beginner’s guide will give you all the information you need to get started on a successful, satisfying derpwatching career.
Dear Tabby – Why am I so tired?
DEAR TABBY: I’ve been feeling really worn out the past few months. Work is a senseless drudgery, and things that used to energize me, like going out with friends, just make me more exhausted. I know I need a change, but I’m not sure what it is. — SLEEPY IN SEATTLE