Guinness World Records Confirms Smallest Phallic Graffito
Adjudicators for Guinness World Records confirmed today that a new global record for the tiniest penis vandalization has been set …
Cheese and Heartbreak Pairings
Just in time for the holidays, our staff here at TGU has gotten together a panel of experts to determine …
Church wins in landmark Santos v. Nye case, protecting total fabrications
The SCOTUS passed down its ruling today in the Santos v. Nye case, a messy, drawn-out litigation between Bishop Evan …
Existential “Hug-Me Dready Bear” Hits Shelves this Week
Hasbro unveiled its new must-have toy of the holiday season: the Hug-Me Dready Bear. This cuddly li’l friend mumbles a number …
Local Nonagenarian Accuses Nat King Cole of Ageism
Local woman Evelyn Sue Rubenacker, 93, is suing the estate of Nathaniel Adams Cole, known by his professional name Nat …
Slug Bug Expansion Pack
‘Tis the season for terrible road trips to see worse family, eat awful fruit cakes, and receive abysmal gifts. Thankfully, …
Research suggests ‘The Circle Game’ originated with early man
Anthropologists at Ohio State University have published a controversial paper in American Anthropologist positing early man as the creator of “the …
Senator Bernie Sanders runs on “Crunchwrap Supremes for Everyone” for 2020 election
True to his socialist roots, Senator Bernard Sanders (I-Vermont) today declared his bid for the US presidency on a truly …
Scientists redefine true meaning of Christmas, black hole opens in Indiana
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration today issued a statement regarding the formation of a microsingularity in the vicinity of …