[Post Template]
DO NOT POST. COPY AND PASTE INTO NEW DRAFT AND REPLACE CONTENT. Headline format: [Millennial / Celebrity / Politicians / …
Category: Stuff
Welcome, my tiny meat blobs.
Nofriendo Announces Ennui U
Not to be outdone in the lack-of-entertainment business by its titanic competitors Microsob and Sighny, Japanese behemoth Nofriendo Co. Ltd. …
GCWM Approves New Frustration Unit of Measurement
Your doctor may start giving you drastically different numbers for your blood pressure, but there’s no need to be alarmed. …
Report: Berenstein Universe Exists Due to Time Travel
Social media exploded this morning with news broken by reputable Twitter user Aaron Barclay-Baker that an ancient time being from …
Best Tricks to Stave off Existential Dread
Listen, we’ve all been there. The inevitability of death. The madness of money’s iron grip on society. The fact that …
AI Already 68% as Miserable as Humans
We think of fully sentient AI as a vision of the distant future, a far cry from our day-to-day bots, …
Local Man Spends Whopping 15 Minutes Cultivating Inner Peace
Georgetown native Kyle Wells dwelt on all the good things in his life for a total of 15 minutes last …
All Businessmen Go to Hell Announced for Holiday 2020
In a bid to revive the faltering tradition of 2D animated feature films, legendary animator Don Bluth founded Bluth Studios, …
Track Meat Launches Employee Incentivization Nanotechnology
SAN FRANCISCO, PACIFIC STRATOSPHERE, 12/03/2219 — Silicon Island newcomer Track Meat International Inc. (NASDAQ: TMI) today announced general availability of …
Local Sustainability Advocate Vows to Inseminate 500 Million Women
Craig Yoder, insurance salesman and Chair of the local Tightwad Treehuggers environmental activist organization, announced today on Twitter that he …