[Post Template]

DO NOT POST. COPY AND PASTE INTO NEW DRAFT AND REPLACE CONTENT.

Headline format:

[Millennial / Celebrity / Politicians / Insulting word for person or group] [action] like (an) idiot(s), [insult]

Minimum body paragraph requirements:

• Introduction
  • If clickbait, bury the lede.
  • If scientific news, pretend deep understanding, allude to evolutionary theory  or climate change whether relevant or not, exaggerate numbers (e.g., “hundreds of billions of years”).
  • If social justice story, establish base tone of derision and self-righteous superiority.
• Meat
  • If another outlet has already written the story, just link to it.
  • Pull hashtagged posts from Twitter.
  • Treat all sources as equals.
  • If no meat exists, consult SEO word cloud spreadsheet for sentence stems.
  • Denigrate white people (consider using “wypipo”) and males. You can get away with anything here. The Internet has them by their hideous pale balls.
• Call to outrage
  • Pithy and sarcastic is best.