Local Sustainability Advocate Vows to Inseminate 500 Million Women

Craig Yoder, insurance salesman and Chair of the local Tightwad Treehuggers environmental activist organization, announced today on Twitter that he would not have sex again until he had found a productive home for each of the 493,276,124 sperm harvested from his last ejaculation. Talk about using every part of the buffalo.

“As an example to all the slovenly, consumerist, parasitic people out there who take and take and never put out for Mother Earth, I vow not to do the deed again until all the sperm from my last sexing find a uterine home,” reads the tweet.

“I’m a huge believer in reduce, reuse, recycle,” Yoder told us over the phone, “and I have to put my money shot where my mouth is if I expect others to take a stand against climax–er, climate change.”

The tweet garnered responses spanning the internet gamut, from dick jokes to dick pics, but Yoder stands firm: “You should feel bad about your footprint and do everything in your power to obsess over hyperefficient use of every single resource, including your bodily fluids!”

Continuing in a reply to his original tweet, he added, “Also, how can I take a stance against abortion if every single one of my gametes doesn’t become a baby carried to term?”

Yoder was reportedly dumbfounded to learn that the male body consistently creates and disposes of sperm regardless of sexual activity. He hung up and deleted his Twitter account when our correspondent pointed out that 500 million additional humans would have a profound impact on the environment.