Doctors Find Three Racist Bones in Joe Biden’s Body

Following public denial of rumors of bigotitis, former Vice President Joe Biden was overtaken by a bout of logorrhea Tuesday and admitted to a nearby hospital midway through a fundraising event in New Hampshire.

The medical doctors of St. Joseph Hospital in Nashua report that after a careful examination, they found three racist bones in Biden’s body, specifically the left humerus, the third cervical vertebra, and the second proximal phalanx of the right hand. They also found a woman’s hair lodged in his trachea.

“Mr. Biden’s statement that he doesn’t have a racist bone in his body goes against medical science,” says Dr. Mallory O’Shea of St. Joseph’s gerontology department, “but like most people to some degree, he’s in denial. Racist bones are known to release racism directly into the bloodstream, where it then makes its way to the brain unnoticed and comes out as speech.” Dr. O’Shea claims that the bones may be treated, but that the procedure will require significant introspection and therapy.

Biden’s spin doctors are downplaying the seriousness of his condition and expect him to return to the campaign trail within the week.