God Appalled by Concept of Hell

The Almighty manifested at a St. Louis Cardinals game today for a father-son-holy ghost outing. After a long absence from the public eye, He was understandably accosted by a number of fans at Busch Stadium after the game, according to celebrity tabloid TMZ.

The reticent deity refused to answer most questions about the meaning of life and why he allows evil and pain to exist, but did speak up in self-defense when one bystander asked if gay people were really going to hell.

“I find this whole concept of hell appalling,” says Yahweh. “I don’t know where you all got it from. It certainly wasn’t me.”

For millennia, religious thought leaders have contended that the benevolent creator of the universe sends humans to a lake of eternal fire after death, but “it’s just plain controlling bullshit,” says God. “Infinite suffering does not conform to the principle of proportionality if the crime is committed within a finite existence. I’m not that much of an asshole.”

God says the whole thing “got out of hand” and that everyone should just chill out a little bit and enjoy some sports. “The outcome of athletic competition is the only class of prayer I care about answering anymore, really. Shout out to my boi Billy. Good luck next week, bud.”

Nearby Barnes-Jewish Hospital reports an uptick in patients complaining of “radiant face” and temporary blindness following the game.