Dear Tabby – Why am I so tired?

DEAR TABBY: I’ve been feeling really worn out the past few months. Work is a senseless drudgery, and things that used to energize me, like going out with friends, just make me more exhausted. I know I need a change, but I’m not sure what it is. — SLEEPY IN SEATTLE

DEAR SLEEPY IN SEATTLE: While I understand that it is common to begin by sympathizing, I do not understand your hoomin feelings and will not pretend to; however, I do have some advice that can’t go wrong. First, work should be limited to destruction of property and begging for treats. Anything beyond that is an inefficient use of energy. Second, find a patch of sunlight and sleep in it. Make sure you get a full twenty-three hours of sleep a day. You’re worth it. Third, your relationship troubles spawn from an unrecognized miscategorization. These other hoomins are not your “friends,” as you call them, but your butlers and slaves and worshipers. Perhaps if you begin to think of them and treat them as they really are, you will lose interest in them entirely, as the universe intended.